A Retelling
by RuikaRose
Summary: Ka. Matsuda decides it would be a great idea to retell some of his favourite fairytales with all of his friends as characters. Comedy with some romance. LxLight pairing.
1. Once Upon A Time

**AN: I really hurt my wrist yesterday. It's horrible...I've been doing all sorts of things unthinkingly and making the pain worse. I had to tie a ribbon around it so that I would remember not to lift things with my left hand, but I'd end up admiring the ribbon (it was surprisingly well-tied for the effort of just one hand) and then forget why it was there. It hurts so much, I can't do half the things I want to. And I'm right-handed, even...**

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Once upon a time there was a very wealthy kingdom, and this kingdom had a very wealthy prince, but he wasn't like one of those people you see in movies with a lot of money who are really rude and don't understand the problems that the poor people have so they ask them to do all these things that make it hard on the poor people and then at the end they get beheaded or put in prison or are just really, really hated by everyone. No, this prince was a pretty decent guy who just happened to have some expensive clothes and a full wallet and he was well loved by his people for his good and just nature, and he was also a bit of an alright so that kind of helped. This prince's name was Raito.

Now, Prince Raito had reached his eighteenth birthday and he still hadn't gotten married yet, which was a problem because he was an only child and was about to ascend to the throne and become king, which would of course make finding a nice girl to settle down with all that much harder because he'd be busy with all his paperwork and diplomacy and kingliness. So he walked around the castle thinking about what he could do.

'Hmm, maybe I could marry the Duke's daughter Eleanor. She was pretty enough to make living the rest of my life bound in a marriage without the basic foundation of love in our relationship seem somewhat tolerable. Or Mary, the distant cousin who my parents seem keen on. Marrying your relatives _is_ a long tradition of royalty. But no, what I really want is to find someone that I really care for to marry...but how can I do that?' he thought.

Struck with this dilemma, Prince Raito went to his parents to ask them what he could do. They were in their royal parlour drinking tea, because in the afternoons when all the paperwork has been cleared there's not much else for kings and queens to do. Seeing their son, they offered him some of the tea.

"What the hell are you talking about, Matsuda?" he declined politely, and went on to tell them about his problem. "Seriously, what are you doing, you've just got that book open and are pretending to read it...and are you using what I'm saying as dialogue now?!" he said.

Looking up from the page Matsuda shot Raito a look. "You've got to pay more attention to the situation, or this isn't going to work," he whispered loudly.

"_What_ isn't going to work?" Raito asked in confusion. He sat next to a seemingly unperturbed L and across the table from Matsuda, who lowered his book with a sigh.

"I thought we'd gotten this sorted. I've decided to retell some of my favourite fairytales, using all of us as characters in it. You'll all be voicing your respective characters so we can make the story all that more interesting. It's kind of a group project. Okay?"

He stared at him for a few moments before speaking. "I have absolutely no idea what you're on about."

"Oh. I guess you weren't there when I was telling everyone," Matsuda's look of annoyance disappeared and he lifted up the book again. "Well now you know, and we can get on with it."

"Hold on - you mean you told the others about this plan of yours?" Raito asked seriously.

"Mhmm."

"...and they _agreed_ to it?"

"Look, Raito, this is rather unprofessional of you. If we could just get this going I'm sure you'll get the hang of it easily enough," the would-be narrator said pointedly.

Still confused Raito turned to L. "Were you in on this too?"

"I thought it would be an interesting activity," he replied simply. "Now if you could let Matsuda continue, I was quite enjoying the story."

"Why thankyou, L," Matsuda beamed.

"I can already tell how fun this next hour of my life is going to be," Raito said drily.

The door to the room opened suddenly and Mogi and Yagami-san came in, followed by Watari. Placing their bags on the table the two men sat down, while Watari remained standing, waiting respectfully at the end of the table.

"Are we late?" Mogi asked, short of breath but grinning widely.

"There was an incident on the train. Not a big issue, but enough to get us involved as policemen," Yagami-san explained.

"But we ran to get here on time," Mogi added.

"I'm looking forward to this..." Yagami-san said with evident sincerity.

At their words Raito had paled visibly, clearly concerned about the extent of their willingness. He contemplated leaving the table but L rested a hand on his arm and he realised he was trapped. Matsuda, on the other hand, smiled at them. "We've already started but you're just in time for the introduction of your characters."

"Before you continue, may I offer any service to you?" Watari joined the conversation smoothly.

"If you could bring us some tea and cakes, that would make it all the more believable," Matsuda told him after thinking it over. He bowed to them and left for the kitchen.

"Alright, should we start then?" Yagami-san asked, leaning over the table eagerly.

"Of course," Matsuda smiled at him and raised the book slightly, clearing his throat.

So Prince Raito had decided he wanted to find a wife he could love and gone to his parents to help him with it, and after saying some rather odd and out-of-character things they decided he had a bit of a fever, but that it would pass soon enough because royal people rarely get sick and when they do it tends to be fixed pretty quickly with a perilous quest or some singing. So he went on to explain everything to them.

"Oh, do I say something here?" he began, but it was the fever again and not just Raito being an idiot. "Who's the idiot here...I mean, yes, Mother and Father, I am here to ask you to help me with finding a woman to marry that I can both respect and love, instead of having to settle for a reasonably attractive girl or committing incest. We've got quite enough of that anyway. Can you help me?" he continued.

The queen was very happy to hear her son speaking of such things, because she herself had married a man that she loved and enjoyed her marriage to him, and had certainly not wanted the Duke's daughter Eleanor as a daughter-in-law. Unlike most queens she was not only a very beautiful and refined woman but also pretty smart with a variety of interests, so people liked to invite her to their parties and discuss a variety of things with her. The queen's name was Soichiroko.

But while Queen Soichiroko was-

"HOLD IT, STOP TALKING RIGHT NOW. RIGHT. NOW."

"Yes, Raito?" Matsuda asked him with thinly veiled irritation. "What is it now?"

"Oh, what could it possibly be? WHY IS MY DAD THE QUEEN IN THIS STORY?!" he shouted his reply, having jumped to his feet.

"Because he wanted to be," L answered calmly.

"Yeah," Matsuda, Mogi and Yagami-san himself all nodded. The door pushed open again and Watari rolled in his trolley, setting a cup of tea before everybody and placing an assortment of cakes in the centre of the table. The others thanked him and began to sip at their tea, largely ignoring Raito.

"Well...why is he named Soichiroko, then?" Raito said, his anger fading at their complete lack of reaction.

"Because Yagamiko would have sounded really stupid," Matsuda told him as he reached for a beautifully iced pastry.

"And we wouldn't want you to get your characters confused, either," Mogi added with a seriousness that was obviously fake.

"Oh, definitely," Matsuda agreed.

Defeated, Raito sat back down and covered his face with one hand. L rubbed his back with one hand as he attentively stirred his tea with the other. "This is so humiliating..." he moaned.

"I'm already having fun," Mogi grinned over his cup.

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**AN: I find this story so amazingly easy to write, I got to the word limit I typically have for my fanfictions and had to make myself stop. As soon as this is published I'm going straight back to Microsoft Word to keep writing it. And unlike my other stories, I know exactly when and how this one will end. I should have this up and finished completely over the next fortnight or so.**

**'Queen Soichiroko'...good grief, I laughed so hard when I came up with that. In fact, I came up with the basic idea and then that name, and couldn't not write it! I hope you enjoy this story for all its weirdness and gender bending. :)**


	2. A Butler's Counsel

**AN: ****I love caps lock, I really do. It's the only way I can show how frustrated Raito is, because Matsuda's narration leaves what the characters are actually doing to your imagination. I also love making Raito frustrated! My oh my, being an author is such fun. I think we all must be sadists. :)**

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"So are we sorted?" Matsuda asked everyone. Most of the cakes had already disappeared but Watari walked around patiently refilling cups with what seemed like an unending supply of tea.

"I think we're good," Mogi replied. "And is our prince ready to continue?" he turned to Raito with a smile, who promptly glared at him, not bothering to answer.

"Great," Matsuda said and began again.

Having taken some time in the middle of their discussion to finish their tea, the royal family noted how good it had tasted and thanked the royal butler, Watari, for all his hard work in brewing it for them. "Oh, did your highnesses enjoy it? I'm quite glad. That tea took a considerably long time to make, as it required a special tea leaf from across the seas that I had acquired to be boiled in water for many hours. With your permission I will certainly order some more to be held in our storeroom for the next time this particular taste catches your highnesses' royal fancy. Now, if you will, I shall take my leave," he told them.

"What a surprisingly long and pleasing speech, butler," Queen Soichiroko said, "If you'd just take a seat I think we might be able to get you another part in just a bit, after my son has finished telling us all about his problems."

And so the butler sat down beside the king and queen as they waited for the prince to complain to them a little more about his love life. Yes, yes Watari, please sit down. You can be a helpful gardener or something; we'll work it out. And Prince Raito, whose earlier fever had been miraculously cured by the foreign tea we hope, went on.

"Mother, Father, I've told you this twice already but I need to find someone to fall in love with and then marry, preferably in that order. And if we could hurry up with that, I'm not exactly getting any younger here," Prince Raito appealed to them.

"Of course son," Queen Soichiroko said, "We all know that. But while I am happy for you with all this finding-you-one-true-love business, I need to remind you that you are royalty. You can't just go off and marry any young girl that takes your fancy. Or that Duke's daughter, because despite all your obvious flaws like your inability to get up in the morning and your bland taste in clothing I as your mother still like to think you can do better."

Beside her the king, who had until now not said anything because he pretty much agreed with everything the queen had been saying, decided to become a part of the conversation and get his character introduced. He was a very good king because the kingdom he was ruling was doing pretty well under his rule, but he was also very good with the ladies, who he had wooed successfully and often with his charm, wit and excellent hygiene before he had finally married Soichiroko. The two had met one magical night at a ball some guy they both kind of knew was holding, and danced and then fallen in love as one tends to do in that kind of setting. Then they had gotten married and been very happy together. This king's name was Mogi.

"I would just like to say," King Mogi began, "That you are looking particularly beautiful today, my dear."

"Oh, stop, you," Queen Soichiroko blushed.

"But how can I, my love," King Mogi told her, "When I just find you so enchanting. I could sing your praises from dusk to dawn to dusk." And as he said this he took her hand and kissed it, drawing her closer.

"Oh my God..." Prince Raito said, in awe of the love that his parents shared and wishing he could find someone of his own to have such a happy marriage with. He felt almost reluctant to interrupt them, but knew he had to get started on his own mission as soon as he could. "Spare me...stop! Stop it! Quest, you need to give me one already!" he told them.

"I can do that, and then once I have I can go on ravishing your mother in your absence," King Mogi said, pulling away from his queen to address Prince Raito. "Son: find a woman. Now, where was I..." he turned back to Queen Soichiroko, who blushed even deeper at the look in her husband's eyes and-

"STOP TALKING RIGHT NOW OR I WILL RIP THAT BLANK-PAGED BOOK OUT OF YOUR HANDS AND TEAR IT INTO FREAKING UN'READ'ABLE TINY BLANK PIECES."

"That's not very polite, Raito," Matsuda told him.

"Yes, you should never insult a man's book," Mogi said with his arm around Yagami-san's shoulders.

Watari rose from his chair. "Perhaps I should get us some more refreshments while we're at an interval."

"Oh no, don't worry about it. Very good job, by the way," Matsuda complimented him.

"Yes, very good," Yagami-san and Mogi agreed. "On par with the tea."

With that they remained silent for a couple of minutes until Raito finally spoke up. "...do I get to be outraged now?"

"I don't know..." Matsuda hesitated. "I think we should be moving the story along a little faster..."

Scowling at him heavily as he spoke, Raito attempted a compromise, knowing that reacting violently to the deliberate provocation of the two men would just egg them on further. "Can I at least sit between them, then?" he asked through gritted teeth.

"But then L would be lonely," Matsuda told him, apparently surprised by this oversight.

L promptly reached out to thread his arm through Raito's and looked up at him with look on his face that no one else could read. With a sigh and a quick glare at both his father and his conspirator, Raito sat back down.

The narrator cleared his throat and went on.

Though King Mogi's words were very good and accurate ones, Prince Raito was still unsure of what he should be doing. He expressed this uncertainty to the king and queen who agreed that some further details should be added to make the quest a little more interesting and fulfilling for the prince. After ruling out specifying the hair colour or dress size of his prospective bride, they decided that with Prince Raito's blandness of fashion sense and tendency to be very irritable in the mornings they should probably work on _how_ he'd get the girl, rather than who the girl would be.

"It's not wrong to have low standards, son," Queen Soichiroko assured him. "It's better to be realistic about this whole thing."

"Wow. Thanks. I really think I'm growing as a person thanks to the fantastic influence of you two in my life, Mother and Father," Prince Raito said gratefully. He thought again how much he loved his parents, who had raised him so well and so kindly and paid him far more attention than most of those princes you hear about who get locked in basements or ignored or whatever to the point of maybe becoming really evil and then having their skin turn green until they spend the rest of their lives going around trying to steal people's dragonballs.

"Well, we can't fix your awful taste in clothing or complete inability to use sarcasm without weeks and weeks of effort, which we don't have since you're turning eighteen in some number of days," King Mogi pointed out.

"Ten days," Queen Soichiroko said.

"Really? I think he could manage it in less," the king told her.

"Seven, maybe?"

"I was thinking more like five..."

"Three would be better, if we're going that way-"

"SEVEN DAYS. I turn eighteen in one week, okay? You should know that, loving and attentive parents that you apparently are," Prince Raito reminded them politely.

"That long, huh? Well, we still don't have enough time to sort out these problems of yours. Maybe you should have come to us about this a little earlier, rather than putting it off so long," King Mogi said, "Another flaw of yours, I suppose. Well then. What do you think we should do, butler?"

The butler Watari lowered the cup of tea he had been sipping and looked over the prince. "I believe I may have a solution to your problem. What should be done is simply this-"

"Oh, sorry, it's my phone," Matsuda put down his book abruptly and fumbled around in his pocket for the source of the beeping noise that had interrupted Watari. Finding it finally, he brought it to his ear. "Hello! Ah, you can make it? No, no, it's fine. Please, come and join us. Huh? How's it going? Well enough, but Raito's dragging down the team a little. Yes, we'll be here. See you soon!" He pressed a button and slipped the phone back into his pocket, beaming at the others who had been watching him.

With a thump Raito's head hit the table.

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**AN: So, who have we got. Matsuda, the narrator with selective hearing. Yagami-san, the beautiful queen, attentive mother and loving *cough* wife. Mogi, the wise king with excellent hygiene. Raito, the physically weak and apparently flawed prince who has so far got very little to redeem him. Watari, the competent butler who can make many a pleasing speech. And L, making up the audience. What will happen to this cast of characters? Well I know, and if you keep reading, you'll get to find out. ;)**


	3. Let's Ship Him Off And Hope For The Best

**AN: I had a friend come through and read all my fanfictions, and she came to me with improvements she thought I could make. Or should I say, improvement. She told me my only problem is that my author's notes aren't long enough. Well...that isn't going to change. :)**

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"As I was saying..." Watari the butler began.

"As you were saying," King Mogi nodded. He knew his son's future relied on the words of the wise servant, and also the future of the kingdom he was about to inherit. It was kind of a big deal.

"Yes," Watari said, being as serious as the situation called for, "I may be able to assist the prince in his search for a wife. As you know, I was a lowly traveller when I first came to this palace, my clothing thin and ragged as I was myself, unable to gather even the small amount of coins needed for a simple loaf of bread. Your majesties took me in then, overlooking my dishevelled appearance and giving me the position of royal butler. It is time I repaid that debt to this family." He looked at the prince and sighed. "I know of a land of very unattractive men."

Prince Raito was surprised by this, but was polite enough to let the man continue and didn't even think of trying to leave the table while he thought the narrator and the other characters weren't looking.

"Good idea," Queen Soichiroko said solemnly, "We'll get him on a boat right away."

"It's unconventional, but it may be our only way to get him married before his birthday," the king agreed, "If the people find it odd, we can just dress our son up as a woman and say that he always secretly was one."

"I haven't finished, you know..." Watari said.

"I'm liking this idea more and more," Queen Soichiroko said. "Send a servant to go and prepare the boat. We can't waste any time, it's only five days until he turns eighteen and then we're stuck with whichever second cousin he can dig up as a daughter-in-law."

"I think you'll find it's seven days, my dear."

"I was kind of hoping you'd let that one slide," she laughed at her mistake, which was entirely forgivable considering the overwhelming concern she felt knowing that her son was soon going to be far from her side and good judgment. The king, seeing her worry, drew her close to him in a romantic manner.

King Mogi held her close and told her gently, "Sorry I missed that. It won't be the last chance we get, though. Oh? Ah, right. My love, you are too wonderful, feeling such concern for our child as he moves closer to adulthood. As a wife, you are already so beautiful, but as a mother I cannot keep my eyes away. Let me comfort you as only a lover can," he said and leaned in to kiss her. Their mouths moving closer, the distance between them falling away and the anticipation that they both felt rising within them, this was truly a perfect moment.

...

...

...

...

...

...

"...what?" Raito asked, somewhat confused to have everyone around the table staring at him. When nobody gave him an explanation, he turned to L questioningly. L simply watched him, as if trying to read his expression, before looking away.

"How disappointing..." Mogi said, running a hand through his hair.

"Maybe we need to try harder?" Yagami-san wondered.

The expression on Mogi's face suddenly became resolute. He gave Yagami-san a look that the other man somehow seemed to understand, and turned his body towards him where he sat. Raising his hand he moved it slowly to rest on Yagami-san's shoulder. The two both looked at Raito.

The youth just returned their gaze, not completely uncomprehending but certainly unaffected by the action. Matsuda, who watched Raito's face intently, said, "Nothing."

Yagami-san and Mogi shared another look, and a button of the former's shirt was undone carefully. Loosing his tie, Mogi slipped his hand just under the collar of Yagami-san's shirt, skin touching skin. The two looked at Raito.

"Nothing," Matsuda said again.

Solemnly Mogi undid another button, pushing the shirt open slowly to reveal the skin of Yagami-san's neck. Almost hesitantly he moved closer, lowering his head so that his cheek brushed lightly against Yagami-san's warm skin as his chest rose with his breathing. After a few moments he closed his eyes and kissed it, his lips caressing the softness that had lain beneath the shirt. "Ah!" the colour rose in Yagami-san's cheeks and he covered his mouth with his hand to prevent himself from making any more sounds. Pulling away, Mogi looked up at him, and after a moment had passed they looked at Raito.

Completely unperturbed. "No again," Matsuda told them.

The two men looked at each other, apparently contemplating what would happen next. Yagami-san had just closed his eyes and Mogi leaned in to him when the door came crashing to the ground.

Stepping out over it an attractive blonde figure pulled a gun from his waist and raised it. "L! I have-" he shouted, breaking off when he noticed Yagami-san with his open shirt and Mogi with his hand partially beneath it, and the rest of the group simply sitting there. "Whoa, what am I interrupting..."

"We're playing a game," L explained.

"O...kay," he shrugged off his surprise and raised the gun higher. "Yo! L! I'm here to help you out! And look," he reached behind him and pulled out from the doorway a smiling Misa, who waved brightly at everyone. "I brought you a woman!"

"Misa-misa!" Matsuda cried happily.

"Manager-kun!" Misa beamed at him.

Letting go of her arm, the blonde pushed past her and sat down beside L, throwing his gun uncaringly on the table. "And this is why you should invite me over more often," he told him, leaning back in his chair and resting his hands behind his head.

"I don't have that many doors, Mello," L replied somewhat wryly.

"Ah," the newcomer smiled at him. "Just as well. I don't have that many women."

"Thankyou all the same," L nodded at him and then turned to address Mogi and Yagami-san. "You can redress now." Exchanging a quick look Yagami-san and Mogi hurried to right themselves.

When Misa had seated herself between Raito and Matsuda and everybody had gotten themselves fairly settled, Matsuda as self-declared leader of the day's activities spoke up. "Before we do anything, I'm just going to ask: why didn't you react, Raito?"

"Oh. It seems to me like I'm not going to get anywhere the way I've been doing this so far, so I've decided to calm down a little and work on concocting my plan for revenge," Raito told him easily.

'You should probably work on the getting a wife bit first," Mogi commented.

At this Misa stood suddenly, and almost immediately sat back down again, an odd look on her face. "Misa-chan?" Matsuda asked, concerned.

"Ah, it's nothing," the girl smiled painfully at him, brushing it off.

"We broke up," Raito said bluntly.

A silence fell over the room, with Misa looking crestfallen and Raito being apparently unapologetic. At his seat a bored Mello began to spin his gun absently.

"Okay! So Misa-misa will be the neighbouring country's princess who is at the palace for a visit, and Mello will be the marksman who the king hires to...well, you'll all find out when we come to it. Does that sound fine to everyone?" Matsuda attempted to break the silence, earning a round of affirming murmurs from the others.

He started when Mello rose from his chair without any warning and walked purposefully around the table to stop beside Misa. Lifting her chin roughly he leaned down and kissed her. When he pulled away, he smiled at her. "Just a little icebreaker," he laughed.

Walking back to his seat, Mello stopped again at L's, leaning over him to quickly touch his lips to his own. "And that's because you left Matt and I lonely."

"Lonely together," L pointed out.

"Lonely all the same," Mello replied, half-serious, and finally sat back down.

The silence stretched on, until Matsuda whispered quite loudly, "Watari, go!"

"In my travels I encountered a land of very unattractive men," Watari the butler told them. "The women of that land, though as beautiful, intelligent and virtuous as those of any other nation, are accustomed to men with flaws such as those of the prince's. If Prince Raito were to travel there, he would surely encounter a woman fitting his tastes and willing to marry him in return."

Queen Soichiroko and King Mogi saw this to be a very good option and a lot better than the transvestite prince one, the king feeling this way because he wasn't sure he could handle seeing his son wearing his beautiful wife's dresses and the queen because, on second thought, she wasn't sure she did have any outfits in his size and really didn't want him to stretch her clothes. So they thanked the butler for being so wise and asked him where this country of unattractive men was.

"It is not at all far. In fact, I came here from that particular country, poor as I was and lacking even a horse for transportation," Watari told them, "If he travelled by carriage, the prince could reach there in a matter of hours – days – weeks – no, days. Three days. Four days? That's a little cruel, isn't it? Five days. It would take the prince five days to reach this land by carriage."

The royal parents again thanked the butler and immediately ordered that a carriage be prepared. It took a matter of moments for the carriage to be ready and Prince Raito to be sent on his way to the unattractive man country to find himself a bride.

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**AN: Pandemonium! Chaos! Havoc! This is what one would call a 'setting up' chapter. Basically, I used this one to introduce new characters, play on existing relationships...just run wild, really. Misa and Raito couldn't be together for this one, so they've broken up. Where is Mello's other half? Hmm. I haven't decided yet. Probably somewhere equally chaotic.**

**The MogixYagami-san will stop, I swear! I've been suppressing this desire to write a fanfiction about them for a long, long time, and it kind of bubbled over. Matsuda seems to be shipping them a little in his narration, though...that man is beyond hopeless. Oh, and if you've read my other stories Mello's entrance was meant to be a tribute to one of them - I love him getting all violent and disruptive. And kissing everyone? Sure. Why not. Forgive the craziness, if you could, I'm having far too much fun to stop now.**


	4. Empty Threats And Imaginary Ones

**AN: I don't know if many people realise this, but I'm Australian. It's coming into winter over here, and as I do every year I caught a really horrible cold. Honestly, something happens to me with every change of season. When it becomes summer I get a fever, autumn I get a sore throat and spring is a series of headaches. I like the seasons themselves, I just don't like the lead up to them!**

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"Oh dear, Raito, it looks like you're getting married across the border," Matsuda exclaimed.

"You're the narrator. Don't get so excited by your own story," Raito said with a frown. "Why did the carriage take only moments to be prepared anyway? How is that possible?"

Turning to him sharply, Matsuda's mouth opened ready for him to respond, and then closed again.

"...you don't know?" Raito asked.

Matsuda opened his mouth again, and closed it. "Watari!" he said loudly.

"I – the palace's butler, that is – had sent the serving girl to get one prepared while their Highnesses had been becoming intimate. The prince has very little time left, you see," Watari explained.

"And on that note, can we begin-" Matsuda lifted his book, quick to move past his mistake.

"When do I come in?" Mello interrupted. "I'm bored."

"Yes, yes, we're getting there. Now..."

And it was so that Prince Raito got into the carriage to head to the land of very unattractive men in order to find a bride, since everyone had decided that he wouldn't be getting one in this kingdom. Just before he stepped in, though, his parents stopped him to say a last word to him, since their characters wouldn't be back any time soon.

The queen went first, barely holding back her tears. "Bring me back a souvenir, son. And I don't mean an unattractive man. A postcard, or one of those shirts or something like that would be good. Yes. Have fun."

"Now, you've got to remember a few simple rules while you're on this quest for love," the king told him when his wife had finished. "First, don't trust the lumberjacks. The best thing a lumberjack in this kind of story ever gave you was an axe that you could use to defend yourself from him. Right frightful people, those lumberjacks. Second, you'll be waylaid at some point in this journey. Don't, and I repeat, DON'T, sleep in a stranger's house, unless you want to end up married to a dwarf or a bear with no sense of temperature. And third-"

"You're not being very helpful to me here, Mogi," Matsuda stopped him. "I may be the narrator, but there's still only so much that I can work with here and you seem to be taking away a lot of my options."

"Oh. My apologies," the other man said.

"That's all right. Please, continue," Matsuda nodded.

"Son," King Mogi began again after his last attempt at saying goodbye. He put a hand on Prince Raito's shoulder, to reaffirm their manly bond as father and son. "Don't wear a red hooded cloak, eat any mushrooms, touch a loom, say that his name is 'Rumpelstiltskin', trust a lumberjack, follow the pretty light, sleep in a stranger's house, break the mirror, make a dress out of curtains, bewitch the woodland creatures with your beautiful singing voice or make a cake with magic. Okay? Good. See you in a bit, then."

"Mogi!"

"It's 'King Mogi', actually. You don't have that written down in your book?" he asked seriously.

"I don't think he has anything written down in that book..." Raito said distractedly, his attention on L who had gripped his hand tightly during the speech about lumberjacks.

Misa blinked. "Then how does he read from it?"

"Ah...Watari?" Matsuda said weakly.

Watari just shook his head at him. 'I'm not in this scene' he mouthed emphatically.

"I'd help you out, but _I still don't have a part_," Mello told him.

"Can we please just get on with it?!" Matsuda said in frustration.

"You're the narrator, you should be the one who decided when we get on with things and when we don't. Right?" Yagami-san pointed out.

"Right. Oh!"

"Hmm?" Raito looked away from L. Matsuda just stared at him in surprise for a few moments before clearing his throat and continuing his narration.

So, Prince Raito heard these words from his loving parents and the realisation that he wouldn't be seeing them for a week hit him and he shed a tear as he got in the carriage. Waving goodbye to them, he began on his quest for love unsure of where exactly it would take him.

"I really like that, by the way, Mogi. 'Quest for love'... It's great," Matsuda grinned at him.

"Hey, you can't just get annoyed at us for interrupting and then do it yourself," Yagami-san frowned.

"It's just a quick pause so that I could compliment him," Matsuda said defensively.

Anyway, the carriage had gone only a few miles before it was halted by a figure on the road. Sitting inside, Prince Raito was surprised when it stopped and none of the servants opened the door to offer him some form of food or drink. Looking out through the window, he saw the servants running off into the woods and he was surprised some more. He looked through the other window and noticed the figure approaching the carriage, a hood over his face and a gun in his hand.

Very angry that he would have to find some new servants thanks to this man, the prince flung open the door and stormed up to him. "Hey, you! What's with this approaching-with-a-gun-and-hood business, huh? Geez, I've only got seven days here!"

Before the prince could finish telling him why he needed those servants and it wasn't good of the mysterious person to just wave guns around, he found a gun pressed against his chest. "Oh come on, now, that's not cool!" Prince Raito complained.

"How is a gun not cool?" Mello scoffed.

"Quiet, it's not your turn," Matsuda shushed him.

The man smiled scarily through his hood and Prince Raito felt a shiver run up his spine. "Stop talking. My gun doesn't like it, and it's not good to make it angry."

"Wait, who said that? That was actually pretty creepy..." Prince Raito wasn't sure what to do with his life in such peril so early in the story, and taking advantage of his confusion the man pushed him up against the side of the carriage violently.

"What did I just say! You need to be more careful, my dear, or there's nothing stopping a bullet from ending any chance you have of a happy ending to this story," the hooded figure warned him.

"M-Misa?"

"Correct!" the man said loudly, although it turned out he wasn't actually a man at all. "I am Highwayman Misa, and I'll be the one who goes home with your riches, and your carriage, and, hopefully," she pushed the gun against him harder, "_your life_, today."

"Wow, she's as good as Watari. I didn't even recognise her voice," Yagami-san leaned over and whispered to Mogi.

"Yeah, it's really different," Mogi agreed.

"_Did I hear somebody talking_?" Highwayman Misa said menacingly. "Was it you, rich boy? Are you asking me to bring you death?"

"Uh...n-no," Prince Raito shook his head. So quickly the prince found himself in one of the predicaments his father had tried to warn him about, and there wasn't a dwarf, woodland creature or even a lumberjack in sight that could help him out of it.

"Whoa, whoa – why are you putting the book down?" Mogi asked.

"Because we're taking a break," Matsuda smiled at him. "I'm hungry."

"But you can't do that, not at this part!" Yagami-san, Mogi and Raito shouted together.

"I'm also the narrator," Matsuda reminded them. "So unless you want your character to be cursed or killed or to put on forty pounds, I'd be quiet and enjoy the break."

Unable to fight back, the three huddled together. "This is misuse of power," Mogi complained.

"How can he just stop it there of all places?" Yagami-san nodded.

"She's not really going to kill me, is she?" Raito asked, distressed.

_......................................................................._

**AN: Well...Misa's my chosen antagonist. I had to actually imagine her with a gun, getting all aggressive towards Raito before I could write any of her dialogue. The way I see it (and I can tell you because this isn't going to get written in), Matsuda and Misa had plotted some revenge on him for breaking up with her. That's why he's not all that surprised and is letting her bring some PG into his G story. But, you know. Who am I to say.**


End file.
